Thank you for sticking with me through my darkest hour…(Trigger Warning)
I’ve said this more in the past 18 months than I have in my whole life: my body is tired.
At the start of this year, my resolution was simple: be my healthiest self. Fuel my body, lose some weight, and take care of myself inside and out. But the minute I started prioritising my health, it felt like my body decided to fall apart instead.
After two surgeries for a missed miscarriage last year (our third and hardest miscarriage) earlier this year I ended up back in hospital for emergency appendix removal. I thought I was finally recovering, only to land straight back in again with attacks so painful even the strongest painkillers couldn’t touch them. No-one could figure out what was wrong. After countless tests and hospital visits, I’ve now been told I need gallbladder surgery. So here I am, stuck in limbo on a waitlist that feels never-ending, trying to cope with constant pain and still undergoing testing.
And during all these investigations, they also discovered I have a uterine fibroid that’s causing me no end of problems. I’m on yet another waiting list, and in the meantime I’ve had to start medication just to manage the symptoms. It’s exhausting, and frustratingly, this could even be linked to the three miscarriages I’ve had, but getting answers feels like pulling out teeth. Nothing about this process has been straightforward.
And when my health sucks, the last thing I want to deal with is my diabetes, but of course, diabetes never takes a break. Add to that running a business that’s built around diabetes, and sometimes it just feels like it’s all too much.
Between the constant battles, the grief of losing a baby, and the physical pain, my mental health has been at an all-time low. To be completely honest, there have been moments this year where I have felt like I don't want to go on anymore, when the weight of it all felt like more than I could carry. It’s hard to admit that, but I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way, and I want to be open about just how heavy chronic illness, grief, and running a business can be when it all collides.
Running Organising Chaos through all of this has been the toughest it’s ever been. I am grateful I can take time off when I need to, without HR breathing down my neck but the truth is, the cost is huge. Financially, emotionally, physically… I am spent.
And yet, it’s strange, because in my darkest hours have come some of my most creative and “successful” launches. The Spring/Summer 25 launches: Brighten Your Diabetes, Gingham & Glucose, have been received with so much love. But behind each one has been blood, sweat, and tears. And I don’t feel like I’ve been able to give them the attention they truly deserve, and that small business guilt hits hard. No matter how much I pour into this, I often feel like I’m not doing enough, not doing Organising Chaos justice.
Just know that every single post, product, email, blog, or launch you see has been created through sheer grit, love for the diabetes community, and a determination to keep going, even when it feels impossible.
Thank you, truly, for sticking with me through my darkest hour.
I will be undergoing testing, medical procedures and surgeries in the coming months, there may be slight delays on orders and we will keep you updated via the OC Club and at the checkout.
Mental Health Support
If you’re struggling too, please know you’re not alone. In the UK, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 any time, day or night. If you’re outside the UK, please check for local crisis support in your area. You deserve help and you deserve to keep going.
Miscarriage support
Tommy's
Miscarriage Association
