Little Me Was Terrified of My Diabetic Doctor… But She Would’ve Loved Decorating Her Diabetes and having diabetes represented in a toy she loved.
When I was younger, my paediatric diabetic doctor used to use an insulin pump as a threat.
"If you don’t get your blood sugars under control, we’ll have to put you on a pump."
The way he said it felt like punishment. Like I was doing something wrong.
I was absolutely terrified of him. The kind of fear where your stomach drops walking into clinic and you practise your fake smile in the car mirror. I used to make up my blood sugars because I didn’t even test them properly back then. I’d just write neat little numbers in my old-school paper logbook, totally made up, because I thought that would keep me out of trouble. And the truth is, I wasn’t taking care of my diabetes at all.
I hid it.
I neglected it.
I ignored it and silently wished it would go away.
And now, years later, I’m dealing with health problems that likely could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t been so ashamed. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realise you needed support, not scare tactics. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, not just about what I missed out on, but about what little Claire would’ve loved.
Six-year-old me, newly diagnosed and already feeling different, would’ve LOVED decorating her diabetes. I was obsessed with Claire’s Accessories growing up (main character energy if your name was Claire, right?). I had personalised everything, pens, notebooks, hair bobbles, all matchy-matchy, all super cute.
And now here I am, years later, running a business that my younger self could only have dreamed of.
Organising Chaos is everything I needed when I was that scared little girl hiding her blood sugars. It’s cute, fun, expressive, empowering and every product I create is a quiet love letter to that version of me who thought she had to keep diabetes a secret.
So when I saw that Barbie had released a Type One Diabetic doll, with a CGM and insulin pump proudly on display, I felt this mix of joy and grief. Joy that kids today can grow up seeing diabetes represented in such a normal, celebrated way. Grief that I never got that growing up.
https://www.breakthrought1d.org/news-and-updates/first-barbie-doll-with-type-1-diabetes/
Where to buy - https://shop.mattel.com/products/barbie-fashionistas-doll-with-type-1-diabetes-polka-dot-outfit-hyt97
Because I was that Barbie girl. Absolutely obsessed. And I know that if I’d seen a Barbie wearing a pump, maybe I wouldn’t have thought it was something to be ashamed of. Maybe I would’ve taken care of myself sooner. Maybe I would’ve seen myself as strong, not broken.
Representation matters so much. And while we can’t rewrite our childhoods, we can change the story for the next generation. That’s what Organising Chaos is really about. Not just cute accessories (although yes, they are ridiculously cute) but showing people with diabetes that they can wear it with pride. That they deserve to take up space. That this condition may be tough, but it can still be theirs and even a little bit fabulous.
Here’s to the younger versions of ourselves and to building the world they deserved.
